Orthorexia & an Imbalanced Approach to Self-Care

Have you ever focused on something you wanted so badly that the work you put towards accomplishing that goal came back & was detrimental to you in another area of your life? Or, perhaps even was detrimental to your original goal because of the amount of stress & effort you were putting into it?

Yep. Me too. And I’m here today to tell you my story.

A few years back, I was ready to take my health seriously & finally find healing. I had experienced infertility for years, uncomfortable digestive issues, aches / pains, serious menstrual cramps, & hormone imbalances which caused major mood swings (well…maybe some of the mood swings was me also not being authentically me, but that’s another story) & depression & more. I had been trying to fix this on my own without success, so I finally sought help from an integrative doctor.

I was so ready. So eager to do whatever I needed to do to fix my body. I was zeroed in on my issues & became obsessed with seeing results. The doctor I saw was so intelligent & so helpful in so many ways. And. I was also placed on a very restrictive diet to help eliminate toxins from my body. This sort of diet should be for a short-term period & for those with good mental health. Unfortunately, we all thought I could mentally handle it…but, turns out, I couldn’t.

I was never officially diagnosed, but I believe I developed an eating disorder (& was probably already showing signs of it before I even began). This eating disorder is not one talked about in the mainstream as an eating disorder. It’s an eating disorder that gets disguised as healthy & praised, actually. It is called “orthorexia”. Healthline.com describes orthorexia as

“…an eating disorder that involves an unhealthy obsession with healthy eating. Unlike other eating disorders, orthorexia mostly revolves around food quality, not quantity. Unlike with anorexia or bulimia, people with orthorexia are rarely focused on losing weight.”

From the outside, everyone thought I was doing a fantastic job! I was being so good with following all the rules, preparing the food, shopping for all the special ingredients, taking my own food when I went out, & taking all the supplements, all the detox baths, etc, etc. For some people, that is the case & they are able to do all of these things in a healthy way. And I think that was the case for me for some time, but then a switch happened.

I began to eat the way I was eating out of fear. I began to criticize myself internally even when eating good foods. I would have thoughts like “Ok, but you’ve had too many vegetables today that might not have been organic.” or “Is this food too old? I should have cooked it this morning before work instead of last night before bed.” or “Ok, Elizabeth, you’ve had too many cruciferous vegetables today. Now, it might be harming me because I ate too many.” or “If I take one bite of this vegetable or nut that is not allowed on my diet, it will mess the whole thing up & I will lose months of hard work.”

And then, the thoughts transitioned to…"My stomach still hurts. Maybe I will remove ‘x’ & see if my body feels better.” I kept removing & removing & removing foods all in the name of healing my body. I kept removing foods until I finally got down to only cycling through around 4 different vegetable choices, meats, olive oil (organic, cold-pressed, in a dark green glass, legit olive oil from a farmer & not the mafia…if you know, you know), & just a few specific fruit choices. I literally ate the same thing every day & almost every meal because I didn’t have other options. I lost my period for 3+ months & my weight dropped to around 90 lbs. I am 5’ 4” & my typical weight is around 120 lbs. I dropped 1/4 of my body weight! And even then, I still had guilt about what I was eating & I still had fear that I wasn’t eating the right foods at the right time to heal my body.

Thankfully, I had a few sisters by my side that saw what was going on. They noticed I had an imbalanced approach to my health & that this was not good for me. They encouraged me to try another way. I resisted very much & even felt offended when they suggested I go off the restrictive diet or that I had lost too much weight. But, finally, I heard them. I knew I had imbalance to my approach. I realized I was neglecting my mind & my emotional health & even aspects of my body’s health now as well! So I started eating all the things again. I remember the first bite of raspberries I ate after months of not eating them & feeling such delight!

I didn’t even realize how much I was suffering mentally at the time. I thought I was strong & doing the right thing. But, now I look back & just feel so much empathy for that version of myself. I feel sorrow that I wrestled with so much worry & so much distress over what/when to eat. I tell myself I am sorry for not truly checking in on my mental health. I tell myself I am sorry for harming my body while trying to heal my body in other areas.

And it’s ok. I always forgive myself & I know that it’s part of the journey that helped me arrive where I am today. I am actually grateful for this part of my story & for the lessons it brought into my life.

And. I also know that I do not want this journey for anyone else. I know that I will advocate for a balanced approach to physical, mental, & spiritual health always.

I know that I will continue to work with you to help you find your inner voice & honor all your needs so that this imbalance doesn’t have to happen to you.

We are interconnected beings. We are body, mind, & soul. How we approach one aspect about ourself effects the other aspects. When we hyper-focus on one, the others can become deficient. We must seek balance in care for ourselves. We must seek to approach each element wether body, mind, or soul with tender care & in alignment with the others.

I can still struggle with some of the orthorexic thoughts at times. But, at my core, I know the truth. I know now how to differentiate between thoughts that are fear & thoughts that are truth. I am able to eat out with friends & enjoy the super greasy, loaded french fries with a nice, cold beer & know that my body is smart & can process out the toxins if I continue to feed it healthy things at other times. Life is quite a journey! And this journey is one that I have learned & am still on.

What about you? Do you find yourself leaning towards hyper-focusing on one aspect to yourself: body, mind, or soul? Do you find yourself having an imbalanced approach to caring for yourself? Have you noticed that your self-care is helpful for parts of yourself & detrimental to other parts of yourself?

I encourage you to sit with these questions & make any shifts that need to happen.

And if you would like some support as you dig into these questions, February is going to be one spectacular month for doing so!

Check out the events below where we will be diving into a holistic self-care appraoch & more!

* Note: If you find you are experiencing any sort of eating disorder, please seek help from a licensed therapist specializing in eating disorders. It is very hard to overcome on your own. Find some support! *